Blessed be the name...

Someone stole a substantial amount of money from our business last night.

When I first received the call, I allowed all of those natural feelings to flow over me...anger, disappointment, disgust, and of course, nausea. As I drove the twenty minutes from our house to the scene of the crime, I prayed, begging God to come through for me on this one. I thought through what possibly could have happened. Why is it that when bad things happen to us, we instantly look for someone or something to blame?
I arrived to find two distraught employees. One of them, bless her heart, told me that it was ok if I swore, because this was definitely a "swearing" moment. She made me smile. I expressed my disappointment, the importance of all of us learning from this mistake, but I didn't swear. We gave our statements to the police, and discussed the severity of the situation for some more time. When there was nothing else to do or say, I drove home.

I sank into my seat, hopeless, for I knew that no matter how kind, sincere, or hard-working that policeman was, that money would never be found. Suddenly, I my turmoilous spirit quieted. How awesome, how amazing, that there were probably only two people in this whole world who knew what had happened to that money. One was the desperate person who took the money, and the second is my Heavenly Father, with whom I have a personal relationship with.

I started to ask myself if I really trusted Him fully, if I really believed that He cares about me and my problems, if I really knew in the deepest part of my soul that I am a small part in the big picture, that it is not really about me, but His glory, that I am a vessel to be used to bring honor to Him, then what did I have to be anxious about?

I quietly answered yes to each of these questions, then began to pray for whoever took that money. I prayed that the money would be of help, that it would be used for good and not evil, and that somehow, someway, God would ultimately be glorified.
One last thought exploded into my head as I pulled into my driveway....all that I have comes from God anyway, it all belongs to Him to do with as He pleases. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away..blessed be the name of the Lord."

More like Ocean...

We ate dinner at Burger King last night. That sentence is a complete portrayal of present circumstances at the Falconer household right now. It was delicious, greasy, and there may have even been a tomato in my sandwich. Not quite my vegetable intake for the day, but it would have to do. I believe that people must eat at fast food restaurants for several reasons. 1) They tell themselves they are in some kind of hurry. 2) It is fairly cheap and 3) your kids can run around screaming during dinner, and it is ok. Anyway, that is why we ate there.
Watching the kids play while we ate, I noticed a little boy approach Ocean. "Can you talk?" he asked, inches from Ocean's face. Ocean just smiled at him. Within moments, he was surrounded by children, "can you talk?" "can you talk?" "Can you talk?"
I felt the anxiousness well up inside me, I wanted to answer for him, go over and put my arms around him, and tell those children to go away. Instead, I took another bit of my greasy sandwich, popped a few fries in my mouth and watched. Ocean is a beautiful child, and there was only pleasure on his face as he looked at each child and smiled.
After we arrived home last night, two kids in bed, I was finishing up some dishes and I realized I hadn't seen Ocean for a few moments. I dried my hands as I walked downstairs, calling his name. I dropped the towel when I saw that the back door was open. I ran outside calling his name. I found him at the end of the driveway. He had pulled a chair down there and was sitting there, grinning up at the moon. I knelt beside him and looked up. Heart Mountain was aglow with the light of the nearly full moon. It was breathtaking. I looked at my little boy, his face was as bright as the moon. He was so happy. We sat there for a long time. I thought of what brings me pleasure, when all of my work is completed, when I have made a healthy meal for my family, when I feel as if I am in control, when our bills our paid and many other trivial things. Ocean may not be able to carry on a full conversation, but I do know that Ocean finds the greatest pleasure from sitting in the presence of God and His beautiful creation.
I want to be more like Ocean.

Stillness, Solitude and Silence....

I have just shut myself in the office. I can hear the kids voices just outside my door. I am watching the rain soak the earth outside. I have turned on my playlist of praise music. The Old School Bus Ice Cream is closed today because of the rain.
My brain appears unable to function. I am making much effort to will my fingers to type. I am desperately seeking three S's - stillness, solitude and silence. They are out there somewhere, floating just out of reach.
I am reading about Elijah, standing on the mountain before the Lord. "And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice..."
My to-do list is overwhelmingly long, the phone is constantly jingling for my attention, the pressures of trying to be everything to everyone are weighing on my shoulders, the desire to scream and throw something is becoming more and more attractive, and did I mention the kids? Through my rain-soaked window, I can glimpse the peaks of the Rocky Mountains, and God's still small voice whispers in my ear, Lift your eyes up to My mountains, where does your help come from? It comes from Me, maker of heaven and earth.

We all belong to each other

We became member of Mountain Baptist Church in Canmore last week. We first attended this church when we moved to Canada almost 8 years ago. We have been attending on a regular basis for the past 2 years. Our pastor, Trevor Sato, has made an irreversible imprint on our lives. I am so thankful for God's leading in bringing our family to this family. I look back on the last two years, the good and the bad, and by God's grace, we have grown so much. This humble man has directed us upward on more than one occasion. He has taught me true application of God's Word, he has taught me how to listen, how to be still, how to worship, and how to really see God.
We have learned and experienced grace. God's judgment is truly an awesome and powerful thing to understand and to fear. However, God's grace and mercy brings one to his knees.
I attended a Christian school when I was young, a few years of public school, and then on to Christian university. This was all a part of God's plan for my story and I am grateful. However, both of my Christian education facilities had a lot of rules, and I mean, a lot of rules. These are important, I am not degrading that, but I experienced a lot of frustration trying to live the "good Christian life". I never felt like I was good enough.
Trevor stripped all of those rules away, and looked at my heart. Blue and I received marriage counseling from Trevor last year. He showed me my heart, my needy heart, that wasn't needy at all, but was full. My heart was already full of Christ, His joy, His peace, and His love. I was not and would not ever be in need of anything else.
The mission statement of Mountain Baptist is this: To Become and make disciples of Jesus through authentic relationships.
Authentic relationships with our co-workers, with our neighbors, and with our fellow Christians, that will bring glory to our God.
"Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ's body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other."

Life lessons to be learned...by a three year old

Blue tells me that my blog is too serious, that I need to write something funny. Well, I guess I am a serious person, but I would like to be a funny person too. So, I tried to think of something funny to write about...
The last few weeks have been a series of attempts to potty-train my two-year old son, Forest. We have experienced victories and failures, and I am sure you all can see where this story is going.
One day, I was trying the "let him run around with nothing on" plan. I was in the office trying to get some work done. Meadow and Forest were at the kitchen table, playing with playdough. I hear Forest start to cry. Now, when you have been a mom long enough, you can distinguish your children's cries. So, I was sure this was not a cry of pain, but maybe of frustration. I decided to keep working and wait it out. The crying became more intense, and when I called to Meadow, there was no answer. Reluctantly, I ran to the kitchen to see what the problem was. There was a distinct smell as I walked into the room, and I looked over to see Meadow rubbing her hands together. There were brown smears on the wall beside her.
"Meadow, what happened?"
"Mom, Forest pooed, and I thought it was brown playdough, so I tried to form a ball. It isn't playdough, mom, it has nuts in it! I tried to wipe my hands off on the walls!"
Forest may still not be potty-trained, but it was still a very successful day. My daughter had learned an important life lesson: how to tell the difference between poo and brown playdough - look to see if there are nuts!!

If only we all knew

The man approaching the ice cream bus was, well, weathered. I would never venture to guess his age because I somehow knew that I would be wrong. I instinctively felt that he was much younger than he looked. He was unbelieveably skinny. He wore a faded denim shirt, only one button holding it together. As he stepped up onto the deck, the wind caught the shirt and that last button released its hold, revealing a rib cage without an ounce of fat. His wispy white hair was covered by a straw, cowboy hat. When he smiled at me, I nearly stepped back, there were only a few teeth remaining.
"Today is a special day and I am treating myself to some ice cream," he grinned.
I just stared at him for a moment. He sounded as if he may be a bit intoxicated, but his blue eyes were as clear as the sky above.
"Ice cream is always a great treat," I replied. "Why is today special?"
He gave me his order, and as I began to scoop, he tells me that today is his birthday.
"Well, Happy Birthday!" I exclaimed.
"It is my last one" he stated.
That sentence got my attention. I turned to look at him.
"What makes you say that?" I asked
I felt frozen as he proceeded to tell me that he has liver cancer, and has been given only a few months to live. I placed an extra scoop on his cone, and looked him right in that clear, blue eye.
"Do you know where you are going when you die?"
"I have a one-way ticket straight to hell" he laughed.
"Jesus loves you, and you actually have an advantage because you know when you are going to die. Many people do not know. You have time to accept God's great gift and spend eternity with him."
I spent the next few minutes explaining how he could know that he was going to go to heaven.
He smiled and thanked me. As he walked away, I thought to myself how different this world could be if only we all knew. Life is a precious gift that humans often take for granted.
"...For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

My awesome dad - Part 2

Yesterday was Father's Day. Of course, I would like to say that I wrote this yesterday, or even before, however, one can't lie with modern computers these days. So, yes, I am writing a day late, one can never be late when publicly commending the awesomeness (is that a word?) of one's father. So, here goes....
One of the most difficult, yet joyous experiences of my life thus far has been the birth of my oldest son, Ocean. I have never been so afraid. Two amazing men were by my side when Ocean entered this world. One was my own father, who has given me more than my deserved share of mercy and unconditional love. The other was my husband, who although he became a father for the first time that night, stepped into the role as if he had been a father all of his life.
Ocean was in the hospital for six days. My dad was, well, my dad. He has never been an extremely emotional man, so I can't say that he cried with me, or held me. Not knowing was the hardest part, and still is with Ocean. My dad, in his own way, held me up. His presence alone, kept me from falling apart. I know that he hurt with me, that he prayed with me. And, he never had to say a word, I just knew.
Last year, we had Ocean tested for autism. I was a little nervous about meeting the developmental pediatrician. Over the course of Ocean's six years, he has grown increasingly fearful of doctors. I walked into the office, holding Ocean's hand, whispering calming words. Ocean immediately walked over to the doctor, put his hand on the doctor's knee, and smiled up into his face. The doctor picked him up, and Ocean began to stroke his beard. I was shocked. I opened my mouth, and I realized...Dr. Prince looked just like my dad! And, Ocean loves my dad.
I am so blessed. I have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, who loves me unconditionally, overflows with grace and mercy, and whose faithfulness floods my life daily. This awesome Father gave me an awesome earthly father, and an awesome earthly father for my son. Thank You!