Meditations...

My birthday is coming up in a few days. I was hoping to celebrate by running a half-marathon for CAUSE Canada. Alas, my training did not go as planned this summer. In fact, I am not sure much of anything went as planned this summer.
I was reading Luke 1 the other day. It is the story of the angel, Gabriel, informing Mary that she was going to give birth to a son. The baby to be born would be holy and would be called the Son of God. His name would be Jesus. Yes, I know, this is the Christmas story, and I am a few months ahead, but I was drawn, fascinated by Mary's complete submission and trust. "May everything you have said about me be true."
We have received another blessing of our own. As of next April, I will no longer be able to call my blog, "Falconer Five" and "Falconer Six" just does not have that nice of ring to it. I have be honest that I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed, and that, at times, when I think of taking care of another human being, my breathe is completely taken away. However, I also realize what an amazing gift God has given us.
Last night, Blue and I lay in bed talking about our little Ocean. He brought up the question of what would happen to Ocean when he is a teenager, or even an adult. Yes, the future for Ocean is uncertain and a little scary, but I was filled with joy that God is enabling me to bring life to another person that would love and care for our precious boy.
So, yeah, I am missing the half-marathon again this year. The next few years of our lives will be hazy with chaos, but we will have lots of laughs, and lots of love. I am so blessed.

Good news

What exactly does the "end of summer" mean? For some, it may be the returning to school, or the end of a vacation. For those of us living in Canmore, we are finally experiencing the warm, sunny weather that is associated with summer at the end of August, beginning of September.
The shorter days, and the changing of colors are vivid reminders though that fall will soon be surrounding us. No season is as short as summer up here in this wild northern land. We make every attempt to cram in all of the outdoor time we possibly can during these tantalizing months. We feel cheated if we don't soak in at least a solid week of good weather.
As I look back through the blurry window of time that contains my own summer, I cannot help but be thankful. I am oh so very tired today. We have worked hard to maintain the balance of a busy, small business, lots of family, and our dear friends, who have been so patient and supportive. I have to be honest, I sometimes did not hold up as well as I would have liked. I am a proud multi-tasker, and as the burdens and responsibilities became overwhelming, I would lash out at whoever or whatever was closest. I yearned to feast on the fruits of the Spirit, and have those fruits of love, patience, and kindness be evident in my life. However, the harder I tried, the more venom would spew from my spirit.
Our pastor has spent much time in the past year on teaching us to recognize the difference between the world's scale and God's scale. I realized that much of the time this summer, I was measuring myself on the world's scale. Dreaming of full nights sleep, consistent breaks from my responsiblities, or endless lattes', I would drag through my days, actually looking forward to the end of summer.
A visit from a good friend of ours sometime around mid-June was an unexpected surprise. Blue actually had the visit with him, and came home with a message: Hebrews 3 and 4. I have read them many times over the last few months. They promised me something that I greatly desired, REST. Our physical, human bodies need a day of rest. They need daily nourishment, and sleep. These are things that God encourages us to do for our own benefit. But, they are oh so temporary.
However, there is good news....He has prepared the ultimate rest, and he has set a time for entering this rest...today! And, this Rest? He understands my failings, my weaknesses! I can boldly enter this Rest, and receive grace and mercy! Thank you, Jesus, this is good news.

Blessed be the name...

Someone stole a substantial amount of money from our business last night.

When I first received the call, I allowed all of those natural feelings to flow over me...anger, disappointment, disgust, and of course, nausea. As I drove the twenty minutes from our house to the scene of the crime, I prayed, begging God to come through for me on this one. I thought through what possibly could have happened. Why is it that when bad things happen to us, we instantly look for someone or something to blame?
I arrived to find two distraught employees. One of them, bless her heart, told me that it was ok if I swore, because this was definitely a "swearing" moment. She made me smile. I expressed my disappointment, the importance of all of us learning from this mistake, but I didn't swear. We gave our statements to the police, and discussed the severity of the situation for some more time. When there was nothing else to do or say, I drove home.

I sank into my seat, hopeless, for I knew that no matter how kind, sincere, or hard-working that policeman was, that money would never be found. Suddenly, I my turmoilous spirit quieted. How awesome, how amazing, that there were probably only two people in this whole world who knew what had happened to that money. One was the desperate person who took the money, and the second is my Heavenly Father, with whom I have a personal relationship with.

I started to ask myself if I really trusted Him fully, if I really believed that He cares about me and my problems, if I really knew in the deepest part of my soul that I am a small part in the big picture, that it is not really about me, but His glory, that I am a vessel to be used to bring honor to Him, then what did I have to be anxious about?

I quietly answered yes to each of these questions, then began to pray for whoever took that money. I prayed that the money would be of help, that it would be used for good and not evil, and that somehow, someway, God would ultimately be glorified.
One last thought exploded into my head as I pulled into my driveway....all that I have comes from God anyway, it all belongs to Him to do with as He pleases. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away..blessed be the name of the Lord."

More like Ocean...

We ate dinner at Burger King last night. That sentence is a complete portrayal of present circumstances at the Falconer household right now. It was delicious, greasy, and there may have even been a tomato in my sandwich. Not quite my vegetable intake for the day, but it would have to do. I believe that people must eat at fast food restaurants for several reasons. 1) They tell themselves they are in some kind of hurry. 2) It is fairly cheap and 3) your kids can run around screaming during dinner, and it is ok. Anyway, that is why we ate there.
Watching the kids play while we ate, I noticed a little boy approach Ocean. "Can you talk?" he asked, inches from Ocean's face. Ocean just smiled at him. Within moments, he was surrounded by children, "can you talk?" "can you talk?" "Can you talk?"
I felt the anxiousness well up inside me, I wanted to answer for him, go over and put my arms around him, and tell those children to go away. Instead, I took another bit of my greasy sandwich, popped a few fries in my mouth and watched. Ocean is a beautiful child, and there was only pleasure on his face as he looked at each child and smiled.
After we arrived home last night, two kids in bed, I was finishing up some dishes and I realized I hadn't seen Ocean for a few moments. I dried my hands as I walked downstairs, calling his name. I dropped the towel when I saw that the back door was open. I ran outside calling his name. I found him at the end of the driveway. He had pulled a chair down there and was sitting there, grinning up at the moon. I knelt beside him and looked up. Heart Mountain was aglow with the light of the nearly full moon. It was breathtaking. I looked at my little boy, his face was as bright as the moon. He was so happy. We sat there for a long time. I thought of what brings me pleasure, when all of my work is completed, when I have made a healthy meal for my family, when I feel as if I am in control, when our bills our paid and many other trivial things. Ocean may not be able to carry on a full conversation, but I do know that Ocean finds the greatest pleasure from sitting in the presence of God and His beautiful creation.
I want to be more like Ocean.

Stillness, Solitude and Silence....

I have just shut myself in the office. I can hear the kids voices just outside my door. I am watching the rain soak the earth outside. I have turned on my playlist of praise music. The Old School Bus Ice Cream is closed today because of the rain.
My brain appears unable to function. I am making much effort to will my fingers to type. I am desperately seeking three S's - stillness, solitude and silence. They are out there somewhere, floating just out of reach.
I am reading about Elijah, standing on the mountain before the Lord. "And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice..."
My to-do list is overwhelmingly long, the phone is constantly jingling for my attention, the pressures of trying to be everything to everyone are weighing on my shoulders, the desire to scream and throw something is becoming more and more attractive, and did I mention the kids? Through my rain-soaked window, I can glimpse the peaks of the Rocky Mountains, and God's still small voice whispers in my ear, Lift your eyes up to My mountains, where does your help come from? It comes from Me, maker of heaven and earth.

We all belong to each other

We became member of Mountain Baptist Church in Canmore last week. We first attended this church when we moved to Canada almost 8 years ago. We have been attending on a regular basis for the past 2 years. Our pastor, Trevor Sato, has made an irreversible imprint on our lives. I am so thankful for God's leading in bringing our family to this family. I look back on the last two years, the good and the bad, and by God's grace, we have grown so much. This humble man has directed us upward on more than one occasion. He has taught me true application of God's Word, he has taught me how to listen, how to be still, how to worship, and how to really see God.
We have learned and experienced grace. God's judgment is truly an awesome and powerful thing to understand and to fear. However, God's grace and mercy brings one to his knees.
I attended a Christian school when I was young, a few years of public school, and then on to Christian university. This was all a part of God's plan for my story and I am grateful. However, both of my Christian education facilities had a lot of rules, and I mean, a lot of rules. These are important, I am not degrading that, but I experienced a lot of frustration trying to live the "good Christian life". I never felt like I was good enough.
Trevor stripped all of those rules away, and looked at my heart. Blue and I received marriage counseling from Trevor last year. He showed me my heart, my needy heart, that wasn't needy at all, but was full. My heart was already full of Christ, His joy, His peace, and His love. I was not and would not ever be in need of anything else.
The mission statement of Mountain Baptist is this: To Become and make disciples of Jesus through authentic relationships.
Authentic relationships with our co-workers, with our neighbors, and with our fellow Christians, that will bring glory to our God.
"Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ's body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other."

Life lessons to be learned...by a three year old

Blue tells me that my blog is too serious, that I need to write something funny. Well, I guess I am a serious person, but I would like to be a funny person too. So, I tried to think of something funny to write about...
The last few weeks have been a series of attempts to potty-train my two-year old son, Forest. We have experienced victories and failures, and I am sure you all can see where this story is going.
One day, I was trying the "let him run around with nothing on" plan. I was in the office trying to get some work done. Meadow and Forest were at the kitchen table, playing with playdough. I hear Forest start to cry. Now, when you have been a mom long enough, you can distinguish your children's cries. So, I was sure this was not a cry of pain, but maybe of frustration. I decided to keep working and wait it out. The crying became more intense, and when I called to Meadow, there was no answer. Reluctantly, I ran to the kitchen to see what the problem was. There was a distinct smell as I walked into the room, and I looked over to see Meadow rubbing her hands together. There were brown smears on the wall beside her.
"Meadow, what happened?"
"Mom, Forest pooed, and I thought it was brown playdough, so I tried to form a ball. It isn't playdough, mom, it has nuts in it! I tried to wipe my hands off on the walls!"
Forest may still not be potty-trained, but it was still a very successful day. My daughter had learned an important life lesson: how to tell the difference between poo and brown playdough - look to see if there are nuts!!