Thanksgiving....

Eight years ago, Blue and I moved to Canada. I have loved living up north. One of my favorite things about being here, and there are so many, is that I am able to celebrate Thanksgiving twice!! Canadians are a more laid back bunch than Americans. And, I have really grown to appreciate the lower key celebrations.
We drove to Saskatoon for Canadian Thanksgiving to celebrate with Blue's parents, uncle, brother and family. I love the anticipation of the Thanksgiving dinner, the hustle and bustle in the kitchen, the hands getting a good-natured slap for sneaking in for a sample, the mouth-watering smell of the turkey coming out of the oven, and the gathering around the table to thank God, the giver of all good things, for all that He has done for us.
Years ago, our family started a tradition of sitting around the table and sharing something or someone that we are thankful for. I can't remember who began this Thanksgiving, but a few people had taken their turn when Blue looked at our four-year old Meadow. "Meadow, it is your turn, what are you thankful for?"
"God!" she answered loud and clear.
I felt tears spring to my eyes. That one simple word said everything that we all had been describing in being thankful for family, health, friends, and material abundance.
I think that we should have Thanksgiving every day. No, not the turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and pumpkin pie, but the constant spirit of gratitude that is deliberately stating what we are thankful for.
I can honestly say that there is not a day that goes by that does not contain a complaint, a disgruntled attitude on my part. There is always something to complain about. What if, just if, I replaced those complaints with gratitude, even if, in my shortcomings, my answer is a loud and clear, "GOD!"
I am starting today. Today, I am thankful for my son, Ocean, using the potty at school. I am thankful for my youngest son, Forest, learning to count to five. I am so very thankful for my daughter, who led me up the stairs with my eyes closed, to surprise me with a spotless living room! She did solemnly state that she couldn't do that every day. I laughed out loud! no, sometimes, we feel as if we can't do it every day, but we are just starting with today....

Time continues

My hopes were high for a slow, relaxing fall. Sigh! I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but the dream still floats on the edges of my mind.
The Old School Ice Cream Bus is closed, finishing a fifth summer strong and healthy. God is good. To say that it was a busy summer is a bit of a understatement. I look back on it and wonder how we ever get ourselves into the positions that we do. Are we too nice? I don't think so. A little gullible maybe? Possibly. My motto for the summer was "just keep it together, Deb, it is only for three months!" That mantra worked most of the time, but the few times that it didn't, there was a really bad and embarrassing scene. When a thirty-two year old throws a temper tantrum, it is not a pretty sight. Of course, when I was finished there must be someone to blame besides myself, right?
I chose to place the blame on a friend of ours, let's call him "Bob". Our friend, Bob, asked us to do a "small" favour for him at the beginning of the summer. This small favour grew, and expanded, finally concluded in us running his small business for the summer. Our human nature is so well-trained in the art of caring for ourselves, that to truly help another human being with no personal gain is unnatural, even painful. I was a perfect example. And, as we wrap up all of the final details for both of our businesses, I can't stop thinking about it.
Why do we do the things we do? Why do we lend to a neighbor or a friend? Why do we spend our leisure time helping someone in need? Do we do a good deed sacrificially, or do we tend to our own first, then give to others? Do we expect a returned favor, compensation, or even a hearty pat on the back? Do we only help those who can eventually help us in return, or do we help those who can never repay us?
And, do we serve graciously, or do we cause the receiver to feel guilty, even ashamed that we are helping them?
I was reading "The Giving Tree" to my kids the other day. The story tells of a tree that gave everything it could for the love of a boy. He continued to give even though he often did not receive what he desired most from this boy. At the end of the story, my daughter says, "that little boy didn't even say thank-you!" How do I teach her that she must always be grateful when receiving, but not always to expect gratitude when she is the giver. I haven't even learn this myself...

Meditations...

My birthday is coming up in a few days. I was hoping to celebrate by running a half-marathon for CAUSE Canada. Alas, my training did not go as planned this summer. In fact, I am not sure much of anything went as planned this summer.
I was reading Luke 1 the other day. It is the story of the angel, Gabriel, informing Mary that she was going to give birth to a son. The baby to be born would be holy and would be called the Son of God. His name would be Jesus. Yes, I know, this is the Christmas story, and I am a few months ahead, but I was drawn, fascinated by Mary's complete submission and trust. "May everything you have said about me be true."
We have received another blessing of our own. As of next April, I will no longer be able to call my blog, "Falconer Five" and "Falconer Six" just does not have that nice of ring to it. I have be honest that I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed, and that, at times, when I think of taking care of another human being, my breathe is completely taken away. However, I also realize what an amazing gift God has given us.
Last night, Blue and I lay in bed talking about our little Ocean. He brought up the question of what would happen to Ocean when he is a teenager, or even an adult. Yes, the future for Ocean is uncertain and a little scary, but I was filled with joy that God is enabling me to bring life to another person that would love and care for our precious boy.
So, yeah, I am missing the half-marathon again this year. The next few years of our lives will be hazy with chaos, but we will have lots of laughs, and lots of love. I am so blessed.

Good news

What exactly does the "end of summer" mean? For some, it may be the returning to school, or the end of a vacation. For those of us living in Canmore, we are finally experiencing the warm, sunny weather that is associated with summer at the end of August, beginning of September.
The shorter days, and the changing of colors are vivid reminders though that fall will soon be surrounding us. No season is as short as summer up here in this wild northern land. We make every attempt to cram in all of the outdoor time we possibly can during these tantalizing months. We feel cheated if we don't soak in at least a solid week of good weather.
As I look back through the blurry window of time that contains my own summer, I cannot help but be thankful. I am oh so very tired today. We have worked hard to maintain the balance of a busy, small business, lots of family, and our dear friends, who have been so patient and supportive. I have to be honest, I sometimes did not hold up as well as I would have liked. I am a proud multi-tasker, and as the burdens and responsibilities became overwhelming, I would lash out at whoever or whatever was closest. I yearned to feast on the fruits of the Spirit, and have those fruits of love, patience, and kindness be evident in my life. However, the harder I tried, the more venom would spew from my spirit.
Our pastor has spent much time in the past year on teaching us to recognize the difference between the world's scale and God's scale. I realized that much of the time this summer, I was measuring myself on the world's scale. Dreaming of full nights sleep, consistent breaks from my responsiblities, or endless lattes', I would drag through my days, actually looking forward to the end of summer.
A visit from a good friend of ours sometime around mid-June was an unexpected surprise. Blue actually had the visit with him, and came home with a message: Hebrews 3 and 4. I have read them many times over the last few months. They promised me something that I greatly desired, REST. Our physical, human bodies need a day of rest. They need daily nourishment, and sleep. These are things that God encourages us to do for our own benefit. But, they are oh so temporary.
However, there is good news....He has prepared the ultimate rest, and he has set a time for entering this rest...today! And, this Rest? He understands my failings, my weaknesses! I can boldly enter this Rest, and receive grace and mercy! Thank you, Jesus, this is good news.

Blessed be the name...

Someone stole a substantial amount of money from our business last night.

When I first received the call, I allowed all of those natural feelings to flow over me...anger, disappointment, disgust, and of course, nausea. As I drove the twenty minutes from our house to the scene of the crime, I prayed, begging God to come through for me on this one. I thought through what possibly could have happened. Why is it that when bad things happen to us, we instantly look for someone or something to blame?
I arrived to find two distraught employees. One of them, bless her heart, told me that it was ok if I swore, because this was definitely a "swearing" moment. She made me smile. I expressed my disappointment, the importance of all of us learning from this mistake, but I didn't swear. We gave our statements to the police, and discussed the severity of the situation for some more time. When there was nothing else to do or say, I drove home.

I sank into my seat, hopeless, for I knew that no matter how kind, sincere, or hard-working that policeman was, that money would never be found. Suddenly, I my turmoilous spirit quieted. How awesome, how amazing, that there were probably only two people in this whole world who knew what had happened to that money. One was the desperate person who took the money, and the second is my Heavenly Father, with whom I have a personal relationship with.

I started to ask myself if I really trusted Him fully, if I really believed that He cares about me and my problems, if I really knew in the deepest part of my soul that I am a small part in the big picture, that it is not really about me, but His glory, that I am a vessel to be used to bring honor to Him, then what did I have to be anxious about?

I quietly answered yes to each of these questions, then began to pray for whoever took that money. I prayed that the money would be of help, that it would be used for good and not evil, and that somehow, someway, God would ultimately be glorified.
One last thought exploded into my head as I pulled into my driveway....all that I have comes from God anyway, it all belongs to Him to do with as He pleases. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away..blessed be the name of the Lord."

More like Ocean...

We ate dinner at Burger King last night. That sentence is a complete portrayal of present circumstances at the Falconer household right now. It was delicious, greasy, and there may have even been a tomato in my sandwich. Not quite my vegetable intake for the day, but it would have to do. I believe that people must eat at fast food restaurants for several reasons. 1) They tell themselves they are in some kind of hurry. 2) It is fairly cheap and 3) your kids can run around screaming during dinner, and it is ok. Anyway, that is why we ate there.
Watching the kids play while we ate, I noticed a little boy approach Ocean. "Can you talk?" he asked, inches from Ocean's face. Ocean just smiled at him. Within moments, he was surrounded by children, "can you talk?" "can you talk?" "Can you talk?"
I felt the anxiousness well up inside me, I wanted to answer for him, go over and put my arms around him, and tell those children to go away. Instead, I took another bit of my greasy sandwich, popped a few fries in my mouth and watched. Ocean is a beautiful child, and there was only pleasure on his face as he looked at each child and smiled.
After we arrived home last night, two kids in bed, I was finishing up some dishes and I realized I hadn't seen Ocean for a few moments. I dried my hands as I walked downstairs, calling his name. I dropped the towel when I saw that the back door was open. I ran outside calling his name. I found him at the end of the driveway. He had pulled a chair down there and was sitting there, grinning up at the moon. I knelt beside him and looked up. Heart Mountain was aglow with the light of the nearly full moon. It was breathtaking. I looked at my little boy, his face was as bright as the moon. He was so happy. We sat there for a long time. I thought of what brings me pleasure, when all of my work is completed, when I have made a healthy meal for my family, when I feel as if I am in control, when our bills our paid and many other trivial things. Ocean may not be able to carry on a full conversation, but I do know that Ocean finds the greatest pleasure from sitting in the presence of God and His beautiful creation.
I want to be more like Ocean.

Stillness, Solitude and Silence....

I have just shut myself in the office. I can hear the kids voices just outside my door. I am watching the rain soak the earth outside. I have turned on my playlist of praise music. The Old School Bus Ice Cream is closed today because of the rain.
My brain appears unable to function. I am making much effort to will my fingers to type. I am desperately seeking three S's - stillness, solitude and silence. They are out there somewhere, floating just out of reach.
I am reading about Elijah, standing on the mountain before the Lord. "And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice..."
My to-do list is overwhelmingly long, the phone is constantly jingling for my attention, the pressures of trying to be everything to everyone are weighing on my shoulders, the desire to scream and throw something is becoming more and more attractive, and did I mention the kids? Through my rain-soaked window, I can glimpse the peaks of the Rocky Mountains, and God's still small voice whispers in my ear, Lift your eyes up to My mountains, where does your help come from? It comes from Me, maker of heaven and earth.