Someone stole a substantial amount of money from our business last night.
When I first received the call, I allowed all of those natural feelings to flow over me...anger, disappointment, disgust, and of course, nausea. As I drove the twenty minutes from our house to the scene of the crime, I prayed, begging God to come through for me on this one. I thought through what possibly could have happened. Why is it that when bad things happen to us, we instantly look for someone or something to blame?
I arrived to find two distraught employees. One of them, bless her heart, told me that it was ok if I swore, because this was definitely a "swearing" moment. She made me smile. I expressed my disappointment, the importance of all of us learning from this mistake, but I didn't swear. We gave our statements to the police, and discussed the severity of the situation for some more time. When there was nothing else to do or say, I drove home.
I sank into my seat, hopeless, for I knew that no matter how kind, sincere, or hard-working that policeman was, that money would never be found. Suddenly, I my turmoilous spirit quieted. How awesome, how amazing, that there were probably only two people in this whole world who knew what had happened to that money. One was the desperate person who took the money, and the second is my Heavenly Father, with whom I have a personal relationship with.
I started to ask myself if I really trusted Him fully, if I really believed that He cares about me and my problems, if I really knew in the deepest part of my soul that I am a small part in the big picture, that it is not really about me, but His glory, that I am a vessel to be used to bring honor to Him, then what did I have to be anxious about?
I quietly answered yes to each of these questions, then began to pray for whoever took that money. I prayed that the money would be of help, that it would be used for good and not evil, and that somehow, someway, God would ultimately be glorified.
One last thought exploded into my head as I pulled into my driveway....all that I have comes from God anyway, it all belongs to Him to do with as He pleases. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away..blessed be the name of the Lord."
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
More like Ocean...
We ate dinner at Burger King last night. That sentence is a complete portrayal of present circumstances at the Falconer household right now. It was delicious, greasy, and there may have even been a tomato in my sandwich. Not quite my vegetable intake for the day, but it would have to do. I believe that people must eat at fast food restaurants for several reasons. 1) They tell themselves they are in some kind of hurry. 2) It is fairly cheap and 3) your kids can run around screaming during dinner, and it is ok. Anyway, that is why we ate there.
Watching the kids play while we ate, I noticed a little boy approach Ocean. "Can you talk?" he asked, inches from Ocean's face. Ocean just smiled at him. Within moments, he was surrounded by children, "can you talk?" "can you talk?" "Can you talk?"
I felt the anxiousness well up inside me, I wanted to answer for him, go over and put my arms around him, and tell those children to go away. Instead, I took another bit of my greasy sandwich, popped a few fries in my mouth and watched. Ocean is a beautiful child, and there was only pleasure on his face as he looked at each child and smiled.
After we arrived home last night, two kids in bed, I was finishing up some dishes and I realized I hadn't seen Ocean for a few moments. I dried my hands as I walked downstairs, calling his name. I dropped the towel when I saw that the back door was open. I ran outside calling his name. I found him at the end of the driveway. He had pulled a chair down there and was sitting there, grinning up at the moon. I knelt beside him and looked up. Heart Mountain was aglow with the light of the nearly full moon. It was breathtaking. I looked at my little boy, his face was as bright as the moon. He was so happy. We sat there for a long time. I thought of what brings me pleasure, when all of my work is completed, when I have made a healthy meal for my family, when I feel as if I am in control, when our bills our paid and many other trivial things. Ocean may not be able to carry on a full conversation, but I do know that Ocean finds the greatest pleasure from sitting in the presence of God and His beautiful creation.
I want to be more like Ocean.
Watching the kids play while we ate, I noticed a little boy approach Ocean. "Can you talk?" he asked, inches from Ocean's face. Ocean just smiled at him. Within moments, he was surrounded by children, "can you talk?" "can you talk?" "Can you talk?"
I felt the anxiousness well up inside me, I wanted to answer for him, go over and put my arms around him, and tell those children to go away. Instead, I took another bit of my greasy sandwich, popped a few fries in my mouth and watched. Ocean is a beautiful child, and there was only pleasure on his face as he looked at each child and smiled.
After we arrived home last night, two kids in bed, I was finishing up some dishes and I realized I hadn't seen Ocean for a few moments. I dried my hands as I walked downstairs, calling his name. I dropped the towel when I saw that the back door was open. I ran outside calling his name. I found him at the end of the driveway. He had pulled a chair down there and was sitting there, grinning up at the moon. I knelt beside him and looked up. Heart Mountain was aglow with the light of the nearly full moon. It was breathtaking. I looked at my little boy, his face was as bright as the moon. He was so happy. We sat there for a long time. I thought of what brings me pleasure, when all of my work is completed, when I have made a healthy meal for my family, when I feel as if I am in control, when our bills our paid and many other trivial things. Ocean may not be able to carry on a full conversation, but I do know that Ocean finds the greatest pleasure from sitting in the presence of God and His beautiful creation.
I want to be more like Ocean.
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