Worthy of my praise

How many moms can say that they see one of these on their daily commute to school?
Or gaze at scenery like this while they run with 630 other women?
God is so worthy of my praise?
By the way, that is Meadow down in the bottom corner, getting ready to cheer her mom off the starting line.

I am going to wear you out, Lord....

Well, I gave a testimony in church this morning. It was my first time in over a year.
I was reading the other day about Christ's entrance into Jerusalem. The multitude of disciples were spreading their garments on the road, waving palm branches, and shouting "Blessed is the King who comes in the Name of the Lord, Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" When the Pharisees asked Jesus to rebuke His disciples, He answered "I tell you, if these becomes silent, the stones will cry out!"
I thought to myself, "I don't want the stones to have to praise the Lord for me because I am being silent."
So, I was about 20 seconds into it before I lost my composure. But, when God wants you to stand up and say something, nothing can hold you back. So, I shared what God had most recently taught me. I shared how the addition of our third child, not that he isn't a total angel, had overwhelmed me as a mother. I am a fairly independent person, and three kids under the age of four really sent my world into a tailspin. Everyday activities like getting groceries, going to the doctor, running into the bank or any other errand suddenly became a tactical nightmare. And, to add more pressure to our little family, we decided to buy a condo. The condo was meant to be a "quick flip" but instead has spiralled our finances into a downward flush. This decision, because it was made by us, has brought a big swipe to my pride. I like people to see me as a person in control, and it was humbling to admit that we were not. It was humbling to accept gifts from other brothers and sisters in Christ, most of them giving sacrificially, not from excess. I felt that we did not deserve such kindness and grace.
What is amazing, and what I must praise God for, is His goodness. This last year has been extremely difficult, not just because of our circumstances, but because God wanted my attention, and got it. When God wants your attention, watch out!! The adjectives, desperate and hopeless, come to mind when I think about those days.
What has changed? I still have 3 kids, praise God, and we still own a condo that is sucking us dry, but my heart has changed. I have learned that my God is personal, He is trustworthy, He is loving, He is gracious, He is forgiving, He is more than enough, He is my all in all, He is my first thought in the morning, my last last thought at night, He is beautiful, He is my strength, He is my joy, He is my peace in the middle of the storm, and His Word is eternal.
I can honestly say for the first time that although the last year has been difficult, I would go through it all again just to have learned what I have and to be as close to my Lord as I am.
Now, as for the sale of our condo, and the growth of our beautiful son, Ocean, I am going to cry to Him day and night until I wear Him out.
"Now He Jesus, was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, 'There was in a certain city a judge who did not fear God, and did not respect man. And there was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, 'Give me legal protection from my opponent.'
And for a while he was unwilling, but afterward he said to himself, 'Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet beause this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, lest by continually coming she wear me out.'
And the Lord said, 'Hear what the unrighteous judge said, now shall not God bring about justice for His elect, who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them speedily. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?"

Amazing Grace

Why is it that I so easily expect grace from others, but it is so hard to give it myself?
I had an encounter this last week with a very good friend. Actually, my husband had the encounter, and I made a feeble attempt to avoid the situation. In attempting to avoid the situation, I only managed to hurt my friend. I find that when a situation is not righted immediately, it only will become worse. I sit in my little corner and come up with every manner of excuse, defending my actions (or in this case, my husbands) and truthfully, hoping the situation will resolve itself and I won't have to humble myself in any way. I tried to explain my reactions as that of a mother bear protecting her family. But, the truth is, I am a very selfish person.
Now, I have realized this selfish state for quite some time, and have made every effort to remedy the situation, but the fact of the entire matter is this: I have received amazing, tremendous grace from the Great Judge, who sits on the only throne, and in turn, I must bestow that very grace on anyone that I come in contact with. What does that grace look like in my terms?
Apologize - without expecting an apology in return
Love - without expecting any love in return
Serve - without expecting any service in return
Forgive - without expecting any forgiveness in return
Give - without expecting anything in return

I read a Proverb this morning - "Through presumption comes nothing but strife...."
I am hurt too easily, and make assumptions too easily, these are symptoms of selfishness. To become less self-centered, I must become more God-centered.
Jesus, be my center....

Prayer changes people....

About six months ago, or so, my mom started attending a prayer meeting. Actually, she was attending about three meetings a week. We continued our phone conversations, about once a week, and each time I talked to her, I could tell she was, well, different. She was softer, and full of a joy and peace that can only come from one Person.
A few weeks ago, I returned from a visit down to Idaho, and had such a wonderful time, especially with my mom. I was able to attend these prayer meetings with my mom. I have to be honest, she had told me that the average running time for one of these meetings was 2-3 hours. Whoa, ok now, I have been a Christian since I was 12 years old, I have heard a lot of sermons on the importance of prayer, and I have seen prayers answered, but two hours? I knew it meant a lot to my mom, and I have been going through a difficult time, so I went...
There were three other people there, besides my mom and I, Walter, Marilyn and my brother, Pastor Todd. Over the next few weeks I was impacted like I have never been in my life.
Often, I believe I enter a difficult time, beg God for help, then become angry when He doesn't answer the way I thought He should. Who am I, the pot, demanding answers from the Potter? I learned that God cares much more for my character than He does my happiness, which is often what I am most concerned with.
God opened my heart and allowed me to know Him, which should be my purpose for going to Him in the first place.
I also learned that there are so many needs and people who are hurting. Whether it is finanaces, family, or health...we all desperately need a work of God in our lives. It is powerful to come before an Almighty God with a burden on my heart, and have Him gently lead me to intercede for another person.
I have been telling others of my mom's prayer meetings, and they ask if I can see a difference in the church down there. I may not see an outward change in the church, but I see the change in her, and that is the most important thing I learned, prayer will change me.
As a Christian in this awesome age of grace, we have what the saints in Hebrews 11 hoped for, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, God's Son. This relationship cannot ride on the spiritual walk of others. I have Christ living within me, and I must die daily to self and talk to Him as much and as often as I can.
I have been reading Marilyn Peter's book, 'The Paw Prints of the Tiger', and have found myself longing for that same intimacy with the Lord. I can hear her dear friend, Walter, telling me to get up and have it. The intimate relationship with my Lord is there for the asking, I only need to pray....AWESOME!!!!

"Thank you for my mommy..."

My daughter said her first prayer yesterday. When I said it was time to give thanks, she immediately said, "I do it". Normally, this sentence from my two-year old rankles me, but this time I smiled.
"Dear Jesus, thank you for my mommy, and thank you for my dinner. Amen"
Now, I think those are two wonderful things to be thankful for.

Praise You in this storm

This song fits what my heart is saying today...

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Luckiest girl in the world, eh?

To have and to hold....

Well, Blue and I are approaching our ten year anniversary in June, absolutely unbelieveable. I look back on the last ten years, and I see a lot of happiness, a lot of tears, wonderful memories, sleepless nights ( we have 3 kids under the age of 5), many adventures, but never, may I repeat, never have I been bored.
We are both in our thirties now, and we have, you know, the usual, a house, a car, even a dog. Actually, the dog came first. Life was simple back then.
I guess you could call us average. What I think makes us different is that most people at our age are settling in, content to do what they are doing for the next 30 years, maybe planning a trip, possibly buying some new furniture. We, the Falconers, are not doing any of that.
If I have discovered anything in the last ten years, I have learned to expect the unexpected and to embrace each new adventure with an open mind. I have learned what a wonderfully complex man I am married to. I have learned that to love someone enough to die for them is attainable for many people, but to love enough to sacrificially "die" for them on a daily basis is truly a miracle.
Most importantly, I have learned that my Saviour has given me all that I need, Himself. To demand that my husband meet all of my needs will only lead to frustration and loneliness. To perform acts of duty for my family out of neediness, in hopes of something in return, will only bring bitterness.
When I am walking in His Spirit, which is not worrying about how I feel, or how I look, or how can I control, I see myself as God sees me.
1) a child of God Rom 8:16
2) a new creature II Cor 5:17
3) friend of God John 15:14
How can I help but see my wonderful husband in that same light?
I suppose the long and short of it is that when I allow God's love to saturate my life, all that I am, how can I help but to rejoice when that love comes flowing out of me into the loves of others, especially the one I have vowed to have and to hold until death do us part.

The secret things....

The other day a familiar scene unfolded at the grocery store. I was in the check out line. I had my son, Forest, strapped into the front of the cart, and my oldest son, Ocean, was standing in the back of the cart, handing the grocier the items.
The nice lady began having a conversation with Ocean, er, I should say a one-sided conversation. She was asking him his name, and his age, and a few other, general, friendly questions. It is always the age question that strikes me, though. I am not sure when I stopped explaining to others that my beautiful son has "failed to thrive" or "global delay" or whatever terms the doctors can give us for their effort to explain why our son is not growing or developing on an average level. But, now I just politely answer the questions for him and smile at the asker's quizzical expression. However, whenever I say "five", for that is how old he is now, I have to stop myself from grimacing. I am not grimacing at the nice lady, or at my wonderful son, but often at the thought that it was never supposed to go this far. By this age, the doctors were supposed to have figured out what was wrong with Ocean, and more importantly, my God could and would heal him.
Through the last five years, God has taught me that He is in control, that His ways are not our ways, and that He entrusted us with one of His most special children, Ocean. In doing that, He has given us the grace and strength to do what He has asked us to do, trust Him.
My placenta stopped producing amniotic fluid sometime in the last three weeks of my pregnancy. I was induced on my due date and twelve hours later, Ocean was born into the room full of specialists with worried looks on their faces. I found out later, that they didn't expect him to make it.
God gave us a special little boy. He started physical therapy at the age of two weeks. He couldn't straighten his arms or legs, and had a strong case of torticollis in his neck, causing his head to lean to one side. He was diagnosed with reflux at six weeks, he wouldn't keep any food down, and about the same time, we realized he wasn't gaining weight the way he should. The next few years were intense, to say the least. We visited every doctor, specialist, we or his pediatrician could think of. He had 3 different stays at the Children's Hospital, all to try to determine why he wasn't growing.
Emotionally, well, have you ever been on the wildest roller coaster known to man? That would describe our feelings as we plummeted down the rails of trying to find out what was wrong with our son.
At times, we desperately searched for an answer, we would ride high on the euphoria if we thought we had found it, we would wait in anticipation as we climbed, waiting to see if this was the answer and he would start to grow.
And, you know that sickening feeling when the car comes to a complete stop at the end of the ride? I feel as if we slammed into wall after wall of disappointment. Is there anyone to blame? No, no, no. I had to say that several times, because if I blamed anyone, it was myself. Somewhere I must have done something wrong.
God is so faithful. One afternoon, as I lay upon my bed praying to God. He spoke to me through Ecc 7:13 "Consider the work of God, for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked?" God made my little boy just the way he is. wow
Now, back to the grocery store. Yes, it still hurts that Ocean is five, he isn't talking smoothly, although he does have some words. He is about the size of a 2 year old, and has the developmental level of a 2 year old, as well. Has God given us an answer yet? No, "the secret things belong unto the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law."
By His grace, I can smile at the nice lady, and say "he is five, and doesn't talk alot, YET. But, God is good, isn't He?"

This is the day that my Lord hath made...

Wow, three posts in one week, that is amazing. God is good. I have a kind and generous husband. I have 3 beautiful children. We are all healthy, for the moment. And, the two eldest kids are out with dad, giving me a moment to catch my breath.

It is absolutely beautiful outside, giving me a bit of spring fever. I spent an hour working on the yard yesterday, and it felt fantastic. Uh-oh, Forest just found me, hiding in the office.

Anyway, I spent some time with my Lord this morning, thanking Him for being who He is. We are in desperate need for Him to show His mercy by selling our condo for us. To make a long story short, a year ago, we decided to try our hand at "a flip". We got a little over our heads by purchasing and renovating this condo in B.C. Now, we are in some pretty serious financial woes, waiting on God. Sometimes, I find that I go to the Lord out of my own desperation, and once I am there, He lays the needs of so many others on my heart. Awesome!

I can't believe that I am actually saying this, but I am actually thankful for the situation that we are in. Humility is the point when you realize that you can do NOTHING without God. And, it might sound crazy, but it is a fantastic place to be. God has never left me, and never will, but to acknowledge and embrace that presence on a daily basis actually brings joy despite any difficult circumstances.

To get up in the morning and say, "this is the day that the Lord hath made" brings unexplainable contentment. This is your day, Lord, the good and the bad, it is yours. Help me to "count it all JOY". Thank you, Lord.

Lessons Learned?

hmmm..I am not so sure about this blog thing. It seems to me that I barely have time to think, let alone write what I think, or worry about other people reading about what I think. But, my youngest son, Forest, just turned one four days ago. Absolutely amazing! not that he turned one, but that I have survived the last year.
I am a very proud person, and this last year, God has humbled me in ways that I never thought were possible. I believe that I could sit here and type for hours of all that God has taught me. But, I will try to keep this short.
First of all, God is God. He is my all in all, He is all I need. "My God shall supply all your NEED" I might have said that a year ago, but I don't think that I truly believed it. I sometimes think that God brings circumstances into our lives to grow us. I don't know if I grew, but I do know that I am more solid in my faith than I have ever been in my life. Do I still fail? yes, and will most likely continue to do so, but it is how long do I stay down that is the question.
Second of all, God is gracious and merciful. I am so thankful for that. God made me and loves me. "not because of who I am, but because of what You've done, not because of what I've done, but because of who You are." When I truly accept that, the joy that flows out of me is not me, but Him, wow.
Third of all, PRAYER WORKS PEOPLE!!!! We don't pray because we do not believe! "we have not because we ask not"
Well, one of my babes is calling.....