"I change not.'

My brain feels a bit like mush today. I can't seem to be able to get anything accomplished. My thoughts change so quickly, I am positive I must have ADD. I am having trouble concentrating. I know that there are so many important things that I must think about, decisions to be made, work to be done. However, how does a person achieve any of these things if their brain will not cooperate?
I am no stranger to change. My wonderful husband thrives on it, so I experience it along side him. The most impressive thought weighing on my brain today is that Blue has been without work for over a month now. Jobs have been cancelled, renovations have been postponed, and the headlines declare only gloom for the building industry this year. 5,000 construction workers have been layed off in Calgary. Hitch-hikers picked up on the highway declare that they are headed west to try to find some work. What does that mean for our little family?
God, in His sovereignty, has brought along the opportunity for Blue to take an EMR course. The Exshaw Fire Department is paying for him to take the course. This course will be the final requirement for him to become an official firefighter. He is applying to the City of Calgary. If he is accepted, it will be a big change for him, and for our family.
Another change weighing on my little brain is our ice cream business. Four summers ago, we opened an ice cream business out of an old school bus. It has become quite a bit event for summertime in Canmore. However, we believe God wants us to be doing something else with our time in the summer, running backcountry camps. It is not feasible for us to do both, so the Old School Ice Cream Bus is for sale. We have a young couple from Canmore who are seriously interested in it. If God chooses to sell it for us, we could be running camps again this summer!!
Then, there is our condo situation...let's just leave that alone for a little longer, shall we?
I feel like a wave, being tossed about by the economy, our circumstances, neither of which I can control. In the middle of my run the other day, I stopped and shook my fist at the sky and yelled, "I will not doubt you! No matter what happens, I will always trust you!" The sun peeked through the clouds and my Lord yelled back, "For I am the LORD, I change not..." I smiled, and kept running.
Whatever change occurs in our lives in the next few months, I have a sure foundation, a Rock, a shelter...
"before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou are God."

History has been made...

So we have it. History has been made. Dreams have been fulfilled. Goals have been achieved. Barack Obama is the first African-American president of the United States.
Yes, it is an amazing thing. As I have watched with awe, the euphoria swell up and flow into every corner of the earth, I recognize that something momentous has occurred. During a time of darkness and gloom, this seemingly angel of light has appeared, promising hope and change. Everyone wants hope and change, right? What is wrong with that?
He promises a greener earth, he promises education and health care for everyone, he promises peace, he promises a good and safe economy, and he promises that the world will once again view the United States with respect and admiration. Living up in the beautiful country of Canada, I am often surrounded by a persuasive line of thought that places all of these promises as priorities. And, I am reminded of Satan's temptation of the Son of Man. "And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan; for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and Him only shalt thou serve."
My heart sickens when I think of Obama's stand on abortion and gay marriage. My chest tightens with fear when I think of all the damage that could be done by him in the next four years. But, I also have God's promise that "...there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God." My God, good and true, is and always will be in control. I have nothing to fear.
Looking back at history, which we all know repeats itself, maybe God placed Obama as president to bring His believed children to their knees. Isn't that where we should be anyway?

Decisions made...

I can think of fewer times in my life when I have been more insecure than I have been as a mom. Any mom who tells you that she is 100% confident of every decision she makes for her child is well...a liar. Always seeking advice, or looking for affirmation, it is always a relief to have someone look you in the eyes and say, "You are a great mom, you absolutely made the right decision." Everyday you are bombarded with new decisions to make. Sometimes they are easy, "No, you can't have a bazooka for your birthday." Sometimes, they are hard. Sometimes, we don't realize that our answer could change their lives forever, and sometimes, we make an easy answer way too difficult.
I believe that I fell into the later category when presented with the idea of putting Ocean into ski lessons. Honestly, I have second-guessed every decision I have ever made for him. And, as he gets older, I find I am down on my knees even more, seeking God's wisdom for our little boy.
His first lesson was yesterday. For the entire week prior, as the day approached, I found myself getting more and more nervous. Were we pushing him too far, would this traumatize him into never skiing again, was he strong enough, would he get hurt, what if he needed me and I wasn't there, were his instructors properly trained to work with a child like Ocean,...and the questions went on and on.
A few days before the class, I decided, at the last minute, to take a pottery class. There are no coincidences with God, so by His guidance, the girl next to me was a skiing instructor at Sunshine, and not just any instructor, she was going to be Ocean's!! She and her boyfriend ran the adaptive program at the hill. She was able to answer lots of my questions, and listened patiently while I talked through many of my fears.
I did feel better, but when I woke up yesterday morning, my stomach felt like it did the morning of my first piano recital.
It was a beautiful day, a gift from my great God. We had to take a shuttle from the parking lot to the hill, and I think every person on that bus had to smile at me announcing to everyone that it was Ocean's first ski lesson. The two snowboarders who were blessed enough to ride up the gondola with us just smiled at Ocean while I told them all about his first day. I was feeling good about this whole idea. We made it to the meeting place, and I was thrilled to see Vic, his instructor. She informed me that one of the other students was ill, so Ocean would have two instructors, wow, this was great! She also told me that it would be best if I stayed in the lodge, so that I wouldn't be a distraction. ok, no problem. But, as I watched Ocean walk away with those two girls, I felt panicky again.
I found a nice spot on the deck, conveniently overlooking the magic carpet area where Ocean was. I was still quite a distance away. My panicky feelings got worse, and tears started to roll down my cheeks. This was too much for him, he wasn't ready for this. I gripped the log railings and oblivious to all of the happy people around me, I begged God to empower my little boy.
When I saw one of his instructors begin to snap on his skis, it was all I could do to keep myself from running hysterically down the hill screaming, "he's not ready!" Instead, I decided the skier sitting next to me, quietly enjoying his lunch, needed to know about my son's first ski lesson. He patiently followed my finger while I pointed out the little boy in blue. "He is cute, he is doing great, " he says.
Really!? I released my grip on the railing and realized, yeah, he was doing great.
I was all smiles for the next hour as I watch Ocean slide down that little slope on his skis. He did great, and he was super cute. I watched him throw his arms in the air, and I could hear him laughing. That was all the confirmation I needed that I had indeed made the right decision.

Thou art there.

I managed to get out for a walk today. As I was putting, oh around a thousand, layers on the kids to keep them warm in the Canadian wind, I made a commitment to spend some time praying out loud. I have found "confessing with my mouth" to be vital in the quantity and the quality of my prayer life. When I pray quietly, my thoughts tend to wander and I realize that I am no longer praying. I also know that Satan, my greatest enemy, cannot read my thoughts. I find great pleasure in having him hear me as I praise my God, confess my sin, ask for His guidance, and build a genuine relationship with the Great I Am.
The kids settled in, and I began my prayer, out loud. We had walked for about 20 minutes or so, and Meadow finally interrupted me.
"Mom, who are you talking to?"
Good question, sweetie.
"I am talking to God."
"Where is God, I don't see Him."
"He is here."
"How do you know?"
"Because He has promised me that He will never leave us."
"Why can't I see Him?"
"Sometimes I can't see Him either, baby, sometimes I can't even feel Him, but He is there."
"Is He with daddy, too?"
"Yes"
"How can He be with daddy and us?"
"Because He is God."
"I think that I like God."
"Me too, baby, me too."
A few minutes passed, and then Meadow said, "You can talk to God again if you want, mommy"
"Ok, I think that I will."

Psalm 139:7-10 "Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me."

Happy 2009!

It is hard to believe that another year has gone by. The fact that I just said that is a sign that I am getting old. Nevertheless, ready or not, it is 2009. I look back on the past year, the lessons learned, the memories made, the tears shed, the laughter, the hurt, the sacrifices, and the growth, and I can only say one thing, my Lord has never left my side.
I have so many wonderful blessings to be thankful for. Ocean officially started school. He is attending private programing for the morning and then is integrated with the kindergarten class for the afternoon. He loves it. He rides his own bus to and from school, and I think that is his favorite part of the day. He is going to try skiing this winter. There is a wonderful program for special needs children, and we believe that it will be a great strengthening time for him.
Meadow is a little bothered that she can't go to school too. We go to a preschool library once a week, and to a playroom where she can paint and play with other kids. She is satisfied, for now. She is learning her letters and numbers, and insists that Mom teach her how to play the piano. She is already planning her 4th birthday party, which is still 6 months away, oh boy. :) She went ice skating for the first time over the holidays, and now talks about going all the time. She keeps us going.
Our little Forest is growing like a weed. I still see myself coming home from the hospital wondering how in the world am I going to take care of three kids. He is going to be two in a few months, and is beginning to show all of the frustration of a child of his age. We call him "Forest the Destroyer", because he leaves a path of chaos behind him, wherever he goes. He seems to know that his smile will get him out of all sorts of trouble. He loves playing with his brother and sister, and has developed a pretty fast getaway when he knows that he has pushed them too far.
Blue is still working in the construction trade. We also are were thankful to complete another successful summer with the Ice Cream Bus. We are praying about selling the bus, as Blue would like to get a little more serious about working in the camping ministry.
Deb is content to stay at home with the kids. There are so many things I would like to improve in my life. I am a goal setter, and I love the feeling of a crossing a goal off of the list. As many of you know, being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes not an immediately rewarding job. But, when God's calling is that strong in your life, there can be no greater joy than that of serving Him by serving your family.
Which brings me to my verse for 2009:
"Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet."
John 13:13,14
I don't know what God has for me and my family in 2009. I pray that as we meet each situation, we will be reminded of what Christ did for us, and that His love and light will be lived out in us, the Falconers.