it has been a long time. Since I have written, I mean.
Yesterday's to-do list has become today's.
There are no longer activities that differentiate one day from another.
The days seem longer somehow, filled with small, menial tasks, that added up all of a sudden become so important.
I long for the world outside mine, yet pull away from it at the same time, as if I no longer belong.
If I allow too many weeks, so many days, often many minutes to drift by without a reminder of Who the true source of joy is, of Who my joy is, I am resigned. Resigned to the drudgery of daily tasks that although completed are never truly complete. Resigned to the anxiety, the fear, the helplessness, the heaviness that never seems to leave, and will reign, if I allow it.
God tells me to "be anxious for nothing." Nothing. that is a massive word, encompassing all that I know, all that I treasure, all that I fear. Over the last few years, why sound so vague? Over the last 3 years, 2 months, and 21 days, I have fought a fierce battle with anxiety.
And, can it be true? Tomorrow it is all to end? We have accepted an offer on our condo, and tomorrow, everything will be finalized. A weight, a weight that has taught us so much will be lifted.
Am I "jumping the gun", "counting my eggs before they hatch"? No, I don't think so. For, if I have learned one thing in the last few years, I have learned that God, my God, is trustworthy,and faithful, and merciful, and loving.
Lamentations 3:22-23 "It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness."
