Yesterday, I closed my eyes and listened.
I listened to the tears, to agony remembered, to anguish still fresh, even after ten years.
I heard with my heart a tragedy that brought so many close to God, as tragedy often does.
And, I wonder, are we still as close to God as that ash-filled day, and its aftermath brought us?
Or, have we ever so slowly bought into the lie that we are in control. We are the ones that hold our security, we are the ones who decide right and wrong. It has been left up to us to judge, to execute judgment, to defend our rights, always our rights.
We remember, we will not forget.....but do we, really?
I am guilty. Guilty of the knowledge that God is so merciful and gracious, that He will wait. He will wait until there are no longer any little people demanding something of me. I will soon be caught up on the housework, the business, the emails, the phone calls, the paperwork, the errands....then, then I can spend some time with my God. Then, He will be waiting for me.
Logical, yes, except, ...I am never caught up, so the days, the weeks, the months, the summer goes by, and He is still lovingly waiting.
Our pastor has been repeatedly teaching us the grace habit of "the 3 S's"...Solitude, Silence, and Stillness. Three things that are seemingly beyond my reach. Things that we yearn for, however when reached, we are uncomfortable.
Solitude...it is only when we are alone, that we realize that we are never completely alone, God is always with us.
Silence....it is only when we are quiet that we realize that God's first words to us are always.."I love you!"
And, stillness...it is only when we are still that we realize that our worth is not found in what we do, or how much we get done, or how busy we are.
Yes, I need to hear that again, and again. And, maybe, just maybe I will remember, the good, the glory, the grace that arises out of ashes.
