Supposed to...

Why do I do the things I do?
I look at my daily "to-do" list... I am a big fan of lists. I love seeing chores, errands, phone calls to make, ...all of these being tedious items, I am not really that boring, or maybe...anyhow, I am getting sidetracked, I love seeing them written down on paper, so that upon completion, I can physically cross them out. But, what motivates me to do these things, I can't believe that is only for the small satisfaction of crossing them off. No, I am sure that I am not so shallow, so trivial, that I am unable to have deeper meaning behind the many tasks that often make up my day.
My day consists of many "have-tos". I have to get out of bed, seemingly a hard thing as of late. I have to feed my children, and dress them, and sometimes it is trying to have so many little people completely dependant on you. I have to wash clothes, which is not a complaint, by the way. Sometimes, the "have-tos" are not really "have-tos", my attitude just makes them that way.
I remember as a child, asking an authority figure, "Do I have to?" The response was usually a cryptic, "You don't have to, you get to." Different perspectives, I suppose.
The world of "should-haves" is constantly banging in the corners of my mind. I find difficulty in not succumbing to the pressures of that place outside my comfort zone that is dragging at me. My husband if forever faithful at reminding me to not live with regrets.
And, then there are the "supposed tos". These are the hardest of them all. The things that are in the future, that I generally view with apprehension. Or, the things I do, not because I want to, or have to, but that I am, well, supposed to. This list is also the longest. This list often requires commitment and sacrifice, two things that often don't come naturally for me, but if I persevere, and finish, there is much joy.
I took this picture of Meadow on her first day of kindergarten. You are supposed to do that right? I was so proud of her, excited for her, nervous for her....the morning was hurried, the slow, careful moments that should have been taken for such an event didn't happen. Four months later, I am still so proud of her, her independence, her smile.
I concur with Solomon, when God offered him anything, anything, he had only to choose. He chose wisdom. As I look at my days, my to-do lists, my husband, my four beautiful children, that is what I crave... wisdom. This was God's reply to me:
"if any of you lack wisdom, you should ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you!"
I believe all of my have-tos just changed to get tos!